it's the little things

midnight thoughts

lalalalalaaa

gotta wake up for work in 5ish hours but still wide awake. too many things going on.

still been thinking about what to do with my life. try applying to med school and possibly get rejected because i’m not quite prepared yet? i should be optimistic but this is the first time i am seriously scared and nervous for what is happening next in my life. i’m planning to talk to my mamm phys lab professor tomorrow because he’s an MD/PhD! so crazy and he did it all here at UCSD (including his undergrad) what a beast. hopefully he can help me get a better understanding of where i am and have some advice on what to do. mmm, all i know is that i definitely want to do something related to the brain.

valentine’s day is coming up! it will be partially spent taking a midterm yayyy. another year with no valentine but that’s nothing new. i don’t wanna sound like some sad sappy little girl wining about this but this is just what’s floating around in my head.

another year of this just means that i’m one year closer to finding someone right? meh, i care about this but at the same time i don’t. it comes down to want vs. need. need? definitely not but want? eh, sure it would be nice to have someone care about you in that special way. this want vs. need makes it seem like there’s even someone who wants me at this very moment even though there isn’t! if the relationship is bad, then it’s more to worry about…but if it’s good, then there shouldn’t be anything to stress and just overall happy times. i know that one day, it will fall into place. it may take some time but there’s someone out there for everyone i think. there are times where i wonder if there something wrong with me that keeps me from having that “special someone?” i definitely know i shouldn’t think that way but i can’t help it sometimes. anywho, time to stop being sad and enjoy life! end of sad panda rant. time to try and sleeeeeeeeep now!

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